The Nearness Of You… Or Not.

So, it appears that Sir John Cusack will be attending C2E2 in Chicago on April 15th for a Q&A about his new film, The Raven, as well as a special signing for 100 fans. Well, well…

That being said, I too shall be in attendance. >_>

I have the opportunity to meet John, to stand before him with my face. But how does this happen? I just met Molly Ringwald last month, the female half of my ultimate 80s teen idol power couple. I was ridiculously nervous. I told myself after that that if I were to ever (by some weird, alternate universe happenstance) meet John, life would complete itself.

Well, now I could meet John in just a few weeks. But something is wrong. I want to go and hear him speak about the film, about his other upcoming projects and about what it’s like to be John, but at the same time I feel compelled to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. I’m really not certain that I want to meet him, and it’s not so much that I think I would be disappointed by either him, the brevity of the encounter, or both…it’s just that I would rather he not know that I exist. Things are perhaps better that way.

In fact, I will do everything in my power to avoid being one of those 100 fans who actually goes up to him to have something signed, no offense to him, of course. How could I possibly go through with it? While his more confident fans probably intend to meet him face-to-face and bop out of there with his John Hancock in tow, I’d prefer to keep my distance and not take souvenir from the event. If that unintuitive intention alone inadvertently lands me a spot as one of his creepier, more neurotic admirers, then so be it. At least he’ll never have to worry about me trespassing on his private property, or anything stupid like that. I am my own restraining order by virtue of self-preservation.

You see, if I were to actually meet him at this point, I would probably dissolve. I’m a fan of his work, and I’m not a coward. I just can’t deal with the prospect of meeting him right now. I don’t need that sort of schoolgirl anxiety at the moment. What I need is to stay far far away from him. Emotionally, I’m still 14-years old (i.e., one-third his age), I don’t understand things with such testosterone, I’m in the process of weaning myself off of anti-depressant (unbeknownst to my doctors), and I’m 2,000% liable to say something utterly ruh’tarded (Molly Ringwald encounter case-in-point). This entire fantasy that is temporarily keeping me aloft would be blown to shit, and I would fall out of the sky and onto my ass, and that would probably hurt to a certain degree.

Maybe years from now when I’m a bit more stable(?), and less prone to celebrity crushes, and less afraid of my impact (or lack of impact) on other people, and less afraid of the world at large… perhaps then I could legitimately meet him?

Perhaps.

Oh, and then maybe there’s the fact that he’s a person just like anyone else, and I’m definitely over-thinking this…(*check*)

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