I was jacked up today. I knew something wasn’t right when I got out of bed this morning, and it just went downhill from there. I was extremely agitated, but had a hard time explaining why (even though I know why), which was even more agitating. I couldn’t focus. I wanted to scream.
I spent more time at work today bawling my eyes out than I did getting things done (first at my desk, then in the restroom, later in my car). My entire lunch break (and I usually never take lunch breaks) was spent on the phone with mom, trying to articulate my meltdown. It’s the little things that make melting down at work so troublesome, like finding a good place to cry, hoping no one sees you or says anything to you that will make you cry on the spot, and…especially — leaving the bathroom raw-faced, only to realize that you have a marketing meeting in less than 5 minutes. I splashed with cold water as best as I could, but that doesn’t do anything for red eyes. I should keep eye drops at work maybe.
It’s safe to say that today’s productivity = negligible%. Luckily I had enough sense to go home after lunch. I was of no use to anyone or anything, so I figured it was best to sleep it off and return when I was ready and able to get back to business.
I got home, and made the mistake of revisiting On The Edge while I ate a late lunch. If you recall, that’s Cillian Murphy and Tricia Vessey in a story that is essentially a glorification of suicide. This led to waterworks onslaught #4. Then came the much-needed 5-hour nap.
I’m a little apprehensive about tomorrow.