5 = number of movies in my list of Top 5 favorite John Cusack movies.
4 = number of graham cracker squares I intend to use when I make smores after I’m done with this blog post.
3 = number of times I have cried my eyes out today.
2 = number of times I have had the runs today/number of times I’ve WebMD’ed myself today.
1 = the loneliest number/number of people who legitimately read this blog.
So without further ado…the list you’ve all
not really been waiting for: My Top 5 Favorite John Cusack Movies of all time (followed by my 2nd top 5, so basically here’s my top 10…).
1. The Sure Thing (1985)
An 18-year-old John Cusack plays a horny college student who charms a pretty bookworm on a road trip across country. It’s basically ‘It Happened One Night’ (1934), but with more John Cusack and more horniness. Unbearably adorable.
2. Tapeheads (1988)
A 22-year-old John Cusack plays a skeezy entrepreneur who starts a video production company with bff Tim Robbins. He dances, wears shiny purple pants, and sports a lovely pencil mustache. Nothing about this movie is wrong.
3. Being John Malkovich (1999)
A 33-year-old and nearly unrecognizable John Cusack plays a frumpy puppeteer who finds a portal into some dude’s head. Weirdness ensues. Also, he locks Cameron Diaz in a cage with a monkey. Can’t go wrong with that.
4. High Fidelity (2000)
A 34-year-old John Cusack plays a romantically challenged record store owner with a really good memory and a knack for rattling off Top 5’s (and looking hot even while wearing silly shirts). I dig it.
5. Say Anything (1989)
A 23-year-old John Cusack plays a fast-talking, trench-coat wearing, kick-boxing dude who charms (and bones) a pretty bookworm over the summer after high school graduation. Boom-box thing, yadda yadda. Not actually the best scene in the movie IMO, but the most commonly cited nonetheless.
6. Pushing Tin (1999)
A 33-year-old John Cusack plays a sexy air traffic controller who extra-maritally bangs Angelina Jolie. Of course, Billy Bob is none too happy about it.
7. Grace is Gone (2007)
A 41-year-old John Cusack plays a frumpy dad (omg he’s SUCH a frump and SUCH a dad in this movie) who has to break it to his two young daughters that their military mum bit the dust while overseas. Pretty sad, but pretty genuine.
8. Must Love Dogs (2005)
A 39-year-old John Cusack plays a boat-maker who is continuously cock-blocked in his quest to bed Diane Lane (i.e. show her how to ‘row the boat’). It’s like a messed up e-Harmony commercial with dogs and boats. Love it.
9. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)
A 31-year-old John Cusack
essentially does nothing plays a journalist/author dude on assignment who gets wrapped up in a good ole’ fashioned southern murder mystery. He wanders around Savannah aimlessly snooping and befriends a hilarious tranny. Good times.
10. Hot Pursuit (1987)
A 21-year-old John Cusack goes on an epic voyage to get to his girlfriend who is vacationing in the Caribbean. This movie is pretty pointless actually, but he’s got long hair and is utterly hot in every scene. Ben Stiller is in it too, but that’s kinda weird.
Okay so before you bite my head off, the only reason that Grosse Pointe Blank didn’t make it onto either of these lists is because while I like it, I’m too lazy to determine how much I like it in comparison to the rest of these movies. I’m still uncertain on where it stands.