An interesting but unrelated thing I discovered about myself just now. If I’m at all nervous about a subject, situation or interaction, I will hold on to my neck with my right arm crossing over my heart. If not this, I am idly scratching at a place on my face or neck that does not, in fact, itch.
I assume, if it’s a one-on-one interaction with someone at least, that my “scratching” and neck gripping behaviors are an attempt to keep the other person from making prolonged eye contact with me. Or maybe I am trying to convey the idea that I potentially feel threatened by them for whatever reason.
I don’t know why I always have such problems with eye contact. I am a very confrontational and direct person at heart, but this never surfaces in my interactions with people. I almost always suppress any urges to be frank with another person, either verbally or physically. And if you want to get really psychoanalytical on my particular case…you could lump sexual advances in with “physical frankness”…which might explain a few of the inclinations (or lack thereof) I harbor. I guess I just always figured that I usually have something to hide, which is true. Having something to hide, or perhaps not knowing how I should receive another person’s gaze are the main culprits for me. Do not stare at me in person. Also, remind me to grow a spine.
Feel free to post comments sharing similar quirks of your own. I’d be interested to know….
In other news, I am now adding it to my list of life goals, or my bucket list if you will…to meet both Ariel Pink and Alan Palomo. If I shake hands with either or both of these men before I die, I will die a happy-ish woman. Ariel is particularly dear to me. I dare say I sometimes feel like I have never heard music more intuitive than his. Perhaps Worn Copy is my favorite album of his to date, followed rather closely by House Arrest. Scared Famous is definitely his most accessible album and is definitely a gem, but it still pales a bit in comparison to an album like Worn Copy, which is completely out of this world. He undoubtedly knows of perspectives, of phrases, of thoughts, of chord progressions and sounds that seem so obvious when you think about them…because they have always been there, obscured.
He is the most blatantly hauntological artist I think I have come across thus far, and is the sole reason for my present intrigue in hauntology. Maybe even more so than the Ghost Box artists… He is just so intuitive that I cannot help but be touched by his songs. Ariel writes the songs that were always meant to be written by someone, somewhere at some lost point in time. Sometimes my infatuation with Ariel’s music becomes so intense that I convince myself that I’m not actually just a remote listener, but that all of my experiences are somehow integral parts of his songwriting process…and that he has written these songs to (but not necessarily for) me, and with me in mind (as opposed to R. Stevie >_>).
I don’t know how many of you have heard this interview yet, but Alan Palomo recently did an interview with Indieview in which he talks about the nature of songwriting, or really of the type of songwriting that artists like himself and Ariel Pink do. It’s a brilliant interview, not to mention Alan has a voice like butter.
Everything that he says in this interview is completely right on. I could not have said any of it better myself…not only because I don’t know nearly as much about music or the production of music as Alan does, but also because he is simply more eloquent. His word choices and examples are completely right on to where I feel like he’s been plucking unripe ideas out of my brain while I sleep…and then maturing and refining them. That’s how intuition must feel. He and Ariel both are the epitome of intuitive in my mind. He talks about collective sounds, which is another nod to Hauntology. I was so impressed. Take a listen for yourselves.
I feel like Alan and Ariel should feel entitled to having complete free reign of their own creative processes and output, as the results for them are endless and endlessly beautiful. Whereas..someone like me? Well, I probably need to be told what to do.